I've put off writing this post for awhile. I know I will come off sounding like a giant cry baby, but that is not my intention. I just want to put it out there what my life is like, and what I would like it to be like. I lead a very lonely existence. 99% of my time is spent at home. The other 1% is spent either running errands or at church. My interactions outside of my home are minimal. When I run errands, I have polite conversations with the people I have dealings with, but rarely see anyone I know. When I go to church, most people don't acknowledge me or my kids. The last time I was there, which was 2 Sundays ago, it was a good day at church. Five people spoke to me. Isn't that sad, that out of all the people who go to my church, only five people spoke to me?
There was a time when I had friends. The number of friends I have has slowly dwindled over the years since I started having kids. I am still friends with just one person I went to college with. I actually don't think of her as a friends, but rather as family. We pledged the same sorority, and have been friends since the fall of 1998. The people who were in my wedding, I just knew would be my friends forever. Now, I don't even talk to them. If it wasn't for facebook, I wouldn't even know what they were doing!
About two years ago, I joined the local MOMS club. I met some new people, and for awhile saw and/or talked to a couple of them a few times a week. As life would have it, those interactions have become pretty much non-existent. Unfortunately, the MOMS club had to disband due to a lack of interest. The ladies I became friends with thru the MOMS club have their own thing going on. One of them has gone back to work, so her free time is very limited. Another one has a kid in kindergarten, and a baby a couple months older than Hudson. Her time is limited, too, so it is hard to find the time to talk or hang out. I think she might have even gone back to work part-time, but I am not sure.
I have always had trouble making friends. I have trust issues, so I find it really hard to open up and be myself around people. I tend to be on the reserved side when around people I don't know very well. I want people to like me, and my family. I really want friends I can talk to about what's going on in my life, and friends I can go out to lunch or dinner with. I want people in my life who are truely interested in what is going on. When they ask how are you, I want people who really want to know the answer, instead of only wanting to hear fine.
As lonely as I am right now, I love my life. I love that I am able to stay home with my kids and be the one to raise them. I actually like being a housewife. I find a certain kind of enjoyment in running the household and making sure things are done. I'm just lonely.
Hugs Elizabeth and I do understand. I am in a similar situation. One of the things that I did when I felt most like what you are now is I found my wed moms group HUGS. I don't do a lot with them outside of HUGS but it at least gave me a place where I could be with others who felt the same feelings I do. I am sorry about church too, I feel the same way and am still looking for that church that is the right fit. Hugs and more hugs
ReplyDeleteI am in a similar situation. Since I have been in COlumbus... I came here when I was married and thought things would fall into place but they haven't. In the moms groups I was always the one who did work some, at work I am the odd ball who didn't work full time because I enjoy being at home the majority of the time. Friends at work with kids are always busy busy and those that aren't are doing different things. In NJ when I was a total SAHM it was great overall, but now I am the only income provider my DH and I have comletely swithed roles so everything has changed. We have been trying to infuse our family in our neighborhood and have found the *right* church for us just a few blocks away but that network of support still has not clicked. They still do playdates and such but it is different. What chuch are you going to? Try going to my moms church, not that man kids but everyone is very loving and supportive and they LOVE kids! THen I could at least see you everytime I come in! You are a weet girl and have a lot to offer in a friendship!
ReplyDeleteIt can be hard to make new friends.
ReplyDeleteOne thing a mom at our school did was send home a flyer for a moms night out and we got to know each other so much better- made some friends I never would have thought I'd get to like so well too! How about trying something like that- or a day out at the park etc. All it took for us was a flyer home in the backpacks. I really think everyone was appreciative.
It takes work and time, which so many of us just can't seem to find!
Smooch!